ALS Scan
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  • 2

Love this girl. Great scene. I loved all the tongue-kissing, they looked like they were really into each other!

  • 2

…got a second? Because I’d just like to say one thing in response to this: ehhhhhhhhhhhhhhh… FUCK!! And here I was hoping she’d stay a virgin… That was my initial and instantaneous reaction; now the follow up (and yes, folks, given the manner by which my emotions are presently swirling, I’m afraid this one’s gonna be a doozy) But you know what? I knew it was going to happen. I absolutely KNEW it was bound to happen. Why? Because that’s just how life is. I’ve long ago come to realize that occasionally, the things of this world that represent beauty and innocence, randomly and rather inexplicably are violently shoved into that percolating cesspool of selfishness. Once there they are left to gag on the revolting feculence of those who have convincingly said things like, “No, really, you should do this. Trust us, all your biggest fans have insisted it’s what they really want to see.”

One option I’d considered in the event I should I be asked to bear witness to the humiliation of this delicate flower of a woman would be to completely disavow this site forever. But that’s a foolish and short-sighted notion. After all, ALS in my opinion is to the adult art form as rotisserie chicken is to eating. What kind of malignant mind-wart would attempt to justify sitting around bitching and ranting about the occasional drop of grease that has the somewhat rare tendency to fall upon our shirts while the juiciest, most succulent, and flavorful of meats practically slides off the bone and dives into our mouths with the sole intention of fervidly masturbating our uvulas on the way down in such a way as to make them completely forget the entire concept of regurgitation altogether? Ok, maybe that was a little bit of a run-on, but I just didn’t have the heart to break it up; in fact… I feel as though I no longer have the heart for much of anything (‘sniffle’… [and a tear…]) I now know how that Indian dude felt when he sat on his horse looking at all the damn litter on the side of the road that a bunch of inconsiderate pale-faces rudely tossed out the window as they drove by in their horseless carriages.

So where does this leave me? “Hmm,” some might solemnly proclaim. “This man obviously has found himself standing at a crossroads pondering his fate.” But then there are others who might also solemnly proclaim, “God damn! This crazy fucker’s obviously got a shit load of free time on his hands!” (Truth is I don’t have cable, so looking at pussy on the internet and dreaming up a bunch of “reverently” acerbic comments to spew in response to it is pretty much all I’ve got in life; the ex took everything else). But, damn it, I just need to grow up. I need to find a way to get over this aversion I have with the other penises in this world. It’s time I face the fact that there are lots of them, and that’s never going to change. As it turns out I thought I had discovered a foolproof solution after all. It was during my darkest moments of depression, during my time of sorrow and mourning that I was struck with an idea that could reconcile my feelings for the chodes. How you ask? It’s simple: Photoshop! Yeah, baby!! It seems so obvious now but why the hell didn’t I think of this before?!

So I immediately went to work a-cuttin’ and a-croppin’ like the Sam-Hill-Dickens (whatever the hell that is) as I was determined to rid myself of this “Dylan” scourge once and for all. Almost immediately the silver lining began to re-encompass what had sadly become a dreary and dismally “Grey” cloud. (meh, that was kinda cheesy. But then again, fuck it. This is MY success story.)

At one point, just before tossing one particularly gratifying handful of clippings into the recycle bin, I could have sworn Dylan looked up at me and pitifully cried out. “Please, don’t!” he beseeched with a trembling lisp. “Please, I didn’t sign up for this. I don’t even like girls but these ALS meanies forced me to do it!”

He whimpered as he continued to vigorously shake his hands acting as though he had just attempted to pick up a piping hot tray of freshly baked chocolate chip cookies.

I stopped.

“Wait… This is madness,” I remember thinking. “Is this what I’ve been reduced to?” The truth is, Dylan never actually violated me personally. And what if the situation was reversed? Does anyone think that I would have to be forced to partake in what he clearly hated ever so much? All that ALS would have to do is point a finger at Emily and say, “Fuck?” and I’d be on her like a ravening Nile croc to a thirsty juvenile Thompson’s gazelle nervously tiptoeing up to the river’s edge to take a desperately needed sip. Granted, I’d shoot my wad before I ever got my pants unzipped, but that’s beside the point. This man apparently plays for “the other team” but I refuse to judge. I mean, if he wants to fantasize about ripping his consenting adult male roommate’s clothes off so they can play “naked tickle-monster” or have a spirited match of dueling swords with their spindly hairless pee-pee’s, as long as it’s done behind closed doors I don’t care! I say “Good for him!” But evidently for some odd reason he’s been caught up in what apparently are some very unfortunate and inexplicable circumstances he has no control over.

And yet still, I’m conflicted. On the one hand, I’m experiencing feelings of validation for having set free the celestial being formerly sheltered by the ethereal bosom of Arcadia who was commissioned to forever remind me what a goddess should aspire to be. No longer will she be cruelly subjugated by what might at first be misinterpreted as a drooling trove of squabbling and misguided digital flesh-peddlers, in my humble opinion.

But then…

“What about Dylan?” I whispered to myself in a hoarse, Russell Crowe-like voice. “He’s now alone, cold and trembling. He’s been helplessly exiled to that vast and all-encompassing trash heap of cyberspace, probably naked… most definitely naked. Do I leave him like this? Is this the sort of man that I have become? Have I myself dissolved into that aforementioned disgusting cesspool that heartlessly robs us all of so much of the world’s most beautiful artistry?”

I sat staring blankly across the room as my old and nearly senile house cat finished dropping a deuce on the floor in the corner. “Leave it”, I muttered, still using my Russell Crowe voice. “Roscoe will be waking up from his nap any minute now. And I think he’s finished off the last of that accursed peanut butter.” And then it hit me. It’s simple: Photoshop!! Yeah, baby!! It seems so obvious now but why the hell didn’t I think of this before?! But wait. Who else shall I call upon in this most dire time of need? That answer also hit me like a ton of pricks!! My ol’ buddy Chad! Oh, fuckin’-A! Redemption at last! If ever was there an opportunity to make amends for all the constructive things I’ve said that he may have misconstrued as negative remarks this would be it.

I’ll tell you right now, I was a-cuttin’ and a-pastin’ like the Sam-Hill-Dickens (whatever the hell that is) as I was determined to create the most secularly homosexual match-made-in-heaven this generation has ever witnessed. I mean I was playing Cupid like one self-righteous Christian mother-FUCKER!! A few simple clicks of the mouse and I had these two handsome gents hemmed up in a fancy maneuver the title of which I have specifically coined solely in their honor. I call it “The Carolina Knock-kneed Straddle-buck”. It was originally meant to be more of a hetero contrivance I pulled from my personal repertoire which I have affectionately bastardized for their purposes (sans the oxygen mask and leather body harness, of course; that’s something my lawyer will have to go over with them after they sign the disclaimer).

Now before you begin speculating and throwing darts at my logic by insisting that this is hardly a realistic choice, given their orientation and all, try to understand that it was not flippantly decided upon. Originally I attempted to approach it using a seemingly more obvious, and admittedly stereotypical angle that employed that closely related maneuver informally known as the “Convoluted Reverse Thigh-slapping Huckle-buck.” But these guys strike me as being the softer, gentler sort who would much rather lovingly gaze into each other’s eyes as they enjoyed a blissfully romantic night of bumping dickheads. (I gotta say, this is turning out to be rather curative for me. I don’t know about you, but I’m feeling better and better every minute. You know what? Fuck that therapist. I no longer give a shit if she blocks my calls!).

So here we are once again at day’s end. I dare not speak for all of the rest of us “other-dude’s-schlong” haters who have also suggested their disapproval of the appearance of the “ninety-eight-point-six-degree dildos-with-the-personalities-of-a-box-of-rocks” (I don’t want to get anyone else kicked out of this joint). But for my own purposes I find this to be a win-win-win situation.

First, there’s an ALS model who, from my perspective, no longer has to worry if she’s actually sucking on DNA samples that had been slathered upon the gerbil sized phalli of her pre-ordained “boyfriends” who most likely had only just finished running the entire gauntlet of I-95 in attempt to wallow around the men’s rooms of every last truck stop en route (praise the lord; the Mormons give out leaflets, you know).

Second, Dylan and Chad finally get to ride off into the sunset having been released from the stigma of their true sexuality. They can now live out the rest of their lives together, sipping on appletinis, giggling and recounting all the silly anecdotes from days of yore when they had to pinch their noses while they reluctantly stuck their tongues in all those yucky girl hoo-hoo thingy’s. And guys, no need to thank me. The pleasure has been entirely mine. By the way my boss offers his complements. He thinks you two make a really cute couple.

And finally…

Did you know that in Russia, the word vodka is sometimes pronounced “voh-draz-na”? Say it with me, “vho-DRAZ-na”.

Peace unto all!! I can now say with honesty that I have achieved closure and that I can truly look forward to Emily’s next shoot… well, you know, if no one has pressed any charges. (dime to a dollar it’ll be a fuckin’ three-way with those Chad and Dylan sissies; You know what though? I’m ok with it. And boys, as a genuine extension of the proverbial olive branch, here’s a truly constructive tip: if you aren’t really gay, don’t be nervous, just make sure you avoid eye contact with each other or your dicks will instantaneously go limp)

  • 0

Oh my. Brother, or sister, whatever is the case, I bow to you.
I thought I was (moderately) clever and incisive in my comments. Boy was I wrong, I am an amateur. You are a genius, hands down. This wins my favorite comment of the year award. Hell, my favorite comment ever.
Keep 'em coming, Wretched. You rock. ( : ( : ( :

  • 0

Matter of fact, I just re-read it, and laughed just as hard as the first time.
And I intend to re-read it again. ( :

  • 1

Just trying to maximize our viewing experience. Tell your roommate I offer my condolences.

  • 3

Your illustrative and entertaining diatribes, deconstructed, are spiked with salient shots of sobering insights, served over ice-cold honesty but garnished by clever prose mixed with a sophisticated palate for feminine beauty. That is to sincerely say your feedback in both appreciated and amusing.

For what it's worth to those interested, Dylan and Emily are a happy couple in real life, both very smart and ambitious. Their adult work helps fund their other entrepreneurial pursuits, and you will not see Emily performing with other male talent (accurate at time of writing). Chad is also a really nice guy and a lot of fun to throw back a beer with. That said, we share your sentiments towards 'crossover' performers and avoid working with them because it detracts from the authenticity and passion between a couple.

  • 0

FWIW, it salves my ravished nerves ~ just a teeny tiny bit ~ to know that Emily and her partner in this shoot are actually a happy couple in real life. ( :
I honestly wish her only the best, only the greatest happiness in life, and I hand it to the dude. If he could get her to be his girlfriend, obviously he's got something going on. WTG dude, you scored BIGTIME. Don't throw it away. ( :

  • 1

Yeah I need to leave those poor guys alone. Something tells me Admin just fired a sportsmanlike shot-across-the-bow letting me know I need to ease back with the aggressiveness.

  • 0

I doubt it. :P compared to the other bleh b/g scenes I'm sure they are amused with the work you put into that ;) and I know they are very nice. Are you sure your not a writer?

  • 0

Pretty sure. I'm an industrial mechanic. The ability to fix machines is actually the strongest among my skill set.

  • 0

Really? That wasn't how I read their response at all, I thought they were complimenting you on your funny posts. I thought the extra info about Dylan being Emily's boyfriend was just a nice way of reassuring us that they are a real-life couple and only pose together. I didn't read the comment as a veiled warning to you at all.

  • 2

Not a warning, just joining in on the fun with you witty word warriors. :)

  • 0

See? There ya go. ( :

  • 1

Yes, YES!! Nicely done! I had in the back of my mind that this was surely the case. I hate so much to thrash about in stagnant waters never to be heard by caring ears. Your words are truly validating and worthy of the respect and honor of anyone attempting to find fault. My hat falls to the floor for both Dylan and Chad, and I make this admission having thoroughly assessed the nature of my own shortcomings. It's just that I'm so friggin' jealous!!! But I won't say for whom (hee hee; that'll get your Freudian minds wondering!).

As always, you guys are awesome. Keep up the good work! G/G, B/G, B/B I don't care, let it roll!!

  • 0

I love your idea about the Dylan/Chad shoot, BTW. Esp. the part about bumping pee-pees. I seriously was laughing out loud reading your whole diatribe, I think I probably woke up my roommate. She is NOT going to be happy with me (it's very nearly Monday morning). ) :

  • 1

And Admin, I’d like to extend a personal apology for having subjected you to this, I realize you’re just doing your job. But on a positive note, I’ve thought of a suggestion for the title of Emily’s next photo shoot: “Eye Contact”. And god damn it, tell those boys their biggest fan wants to see LOTS of it!

  • 0

Agreed. Eye contact is critical, but to some detracts from the realism in scenes featuring couples.

  • 1

Brilliant set from Emily and partner, loving the egg plant idea and the camera eye contact shots. Possibly the best b/g set on ALS

  • 0

Thanks. We always try to strike a balance between voyeurism and exhibitionism with the eye-contact in our sets. How do members think we are doing in this regard?

We've done lots of cucumbers, bananas, corn, and now eggplant among other veggies. Are we missing any 'must-see' insertables, edible or otherwise?

  • 1

I got great news for you, my friend. I just googled "egg plant" and it turns out there's a secret underground laboratory located somewhere in Prague that has developed a special strain of rectum sized eggplant you might be interested in. This might possibly lead to the best b/b set on ALS. Perhaps you could volunteer to test out the waters for them.

  • 1

Shit. I recant. Normally I'll conduct a quick perusal of a subscriber's comment history before I unleash the kraken. But in the heat of the moment I failed to do so. You, sir, reflect a great deal of positivity that I believe most consider a trivial notion. I humbly ask your forgiveness. (this is not sarcasm; it's rare, mind you, but not sarcasm)

The Wretched

  • 1

fuckin' voh-DRAZ-na

  • 0

Pass me some of that voh-DRAZ-na, brother. I need a stiff shot right now, and that was NOT a double stiff entendre. ( ;

  • 2

Jesus fuck could people stop complaining about boy-girl videos and pictures?
Don't like it? DON'T WATCH IT.

  • 1

This girl didn't make it to the top because there was always some slobbering chode in the foreground. I got something for you, bro. Hope you can read better than you type.

  • 1

And speaking of “jesus fuck”, while we're on the subject I’ll tell you what, hill billy boy. You let me know who your favorite ALS model is then I’ll send you a pic of her with a superimposed image of Eva Braun crouched over a glass table taking a shit into Hitler’s open mouth and if you don’t like it, DON’T WATCH IT!!

  • 0

Elle Alexandra. Bring it.

  • 1

Oh my god!! (and I don’t even have one so maybe you’ll let me borrow yours) At this moment I have to say, I’m not sure how to go about this as the last couple of days have revealed some rather puzzling shit. I thought at first the powers that be were attempting to bridle my voice, but fortunately as it turns out this isn’t a place where shock value is a one way street. I’ve decided to be nice, none the less, as believe it or not, I subscribe to the notion that it’s best we all get along. I’d much rather drink a beer with you than to shove your unwary ass through a rusty meat grinder- (whoops, ‘scuse me; I need to be nice about this) …than to subject you to a forked tongue lashing that would make Satan himself say, “Jesus Christ, dude! Chill the fuck out!” (that’s the best I can do in terms of “nice”)

“Bring it!” you taunt. ‘Ladies and gentlemen, we are ever so fortunate to have been graced with the likes of none other than Joe Dirt himself. That’s right, Mr. “Need a match? How ‘bout my face, your ass?’- wait…” Now, allow me a moment to collect my thoughts, because, well I want to get this one right. I want everyone to come out a winner, even that one particular ALS model who unfortunately now has before her one steep hill to re-ascend. Anyway, where was I? Oh yes, note, if you will, that Joe attempts to aggrandize his challenge by tossing me a smoking hot red head expecting me to defile her like his buddy Dylan did to the formerly reigning scene queen who spent but mere moments basking in victory.

I’m actually glad things rolled out the way they did because I had both barrels locked and loaded for fuckin’ bear fully expecting you to send me a link to crackwhores.com or whatever. You blew a chance to seal the deal by showcasing the nastiest, skankiest, scab covered- well, you get the picture. My point here is, I’m able to keep the collateral damage to a minimum, but that’s how you zing a guy like me. Don’t throw out a gorgeous sacrificial lamb expecting me to rip her to shreds, what the fuck’s wrong with you? Here’s a tip: if an opponent dares you to lay your dick on the chopping block, don’t! Why, if you’re still asking? BECAUSE HE’S GONNA CHOP IT!!!

Anyway, let’s just allow this one to blow over. To be honest any retribution beyond what I’ve already amassed over this affair would amount to nothing but gluttony. And “Bring it?” For future reference, leave the “Fast and Furious” quotes for the teenagers- er, maybe I’m talking to one so, never mind. Say what you will. And when you do turn twenty one, look me up, we’ll have a beer together.

P.S. I hope like hell you don’t say stupid shit like that in public. One of these days someone’s gonna snatch you out of your fart box equipped Honda civic and crush you like a smoldering cigarette butt some crack head already picked up and got the best of then flicked into the gutter next to the convenience store where you were attempting to use your fake ID to buy liquor. Peace. (fear not, my young novice. A sharp fellow could look through this and pick out some really nice daggers to fling back at me. You can do it, I have faith in you. Worse comes to worse, ask your prom date to give it a looksee. Maybe she could offer you a few additional pointers)

  • 1

Shit, I recant. I should never had said 'glass table'.

  • 2

This time I did do a background check. And yes, great news! The individual in question does qualify as being the most deserving of cannon fodder. RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!

  • 5

Sorry. I'm not going to stop complaining. When I originally subscribed to ALS, it only did solo and G/G. Had they asked me, I would have told them going to B/G was a bad idea, but they didn't (and that's fine, they own the site, not me) so from time to time I am going to mention the fact that I prefer solo and G/G to B/G. Honestly I am sorry that it bothers you, but I'm not going to shut up. I'm not going to make a crusade of it... but I'm not going to stop saying anything.

  • 1

Keep the feedback coming.

For those who generally do not like boy-girl content, we have cut back to a bare minimum number of updates. Our site metrics show a silent majority approve boy-girl, but get a roughly equal amount of public/non-public (email) feedback for and against it. At this time, we average no more than 1 photo and 1 video update per month, or less, so the emphasis is still on solo and girl-girl but we like to think this offers the best of both worlds for our members.

  • 0

I get it... honestly, I do... to be perfectly honest, my emotional reaction to seeing Emily surprised ME that it was so strong. I thought I had gotten beyond "falling in love" some time ago... but obviously not. LOL
If it was a model I am not particularly attracted to... I could care less. But those special few who really attract me... I really don't want to see some other guy's cock going in. Simple as that.
Obviously most of your clientele don't agree with me on that and I'm OK with it.
I'm going to keep subscribing because I like most of what you do. I don't like the B/G but I'll get over it.
Thank you for the feedback BTW, I appreciate it. ( :

  • 3

Ditto, and I am about to make crusade out of it.

  • 8

Hate to see boy girl content on ALSScan

  • 1

Our voices will be heard

  • 2

Ohhhhh Emily, you just broke my heart! ( :
There's another site that has a vid of her giving an extremely sensual BJ to and then riding a very lucky dildo. Seeing that vid was the first time in my life I've wanted to be reincarnated as a sex toy. ( :
Any person who gets to share Emily's body is a lucky person indeed.

18 U.S.C. 2257 Record-Keeping Requirements Compliance Statement

Warning - This site contains adult material of a sexual nature - you must be of legal age in your area to view this material.

All materials on alsscan.com, are copyright © 2014 alsscan.com. Owned and operated by Hydentra HLP Int Limited, Karpenisiou, 9, Strovolos, 2021, Nicosia, Cyprus

All models were at least 18 years of age when photographed.