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What do I have to do to get Chad's job?

  • 1

OK, mate. So here’s the deal. What must you do to get Chad’s job? As it turns out the answer is quite simple: submit an application at your local McDonald’s restaurant then slit the tires on his piece of shit car so he can’t show up for his next scheduled shift. He’ll get fired and you’ll be his replacement. Done! Alright, so maybe the “inside scoop” I’m proposing is actually just a fabricated scenario that continually plays out within the confines of my own grey matter but you gotta admit, from our perspective it’s ideal (well, except for the part where you’d have to work for shitty burger joint). Now anyone who may be offended by my suggestion, i.e. that exclusive assembly of so called male porn “stars”, if there really is such a thing, is the victim of his own fabrication of reality. Additionally, should there exist some naïve soul who subscribes to the notion that this mindless chode- er, Chad, (whatever) is getting paid to be a sweaty dildo with a pulse then perhaps he or she deserves a fate that includes an illustrious and lifelong career flipping burgers for an overrated fast food chain. Picture this, if you will: you are approached by an obviously respectable individual who invites you into his abode with a proposal. Once inside you find a couch or bed upon which is perched a smiling and naked Nella, Janet, Holly, Joanne, Liv or Trisha (I like to start with some of the classics; feel free to substitute whomever). After you’ve picked your jaw up from the floor and returned it to its proper location you are kindly instructed to have your way with any or all of these gorgeous representations of the female gender whilst the camera is rolling. Oh, but wait, once you’ve finished, make sure to stop by our disbursing office to receive your handsome paycheck. This- I can’t- there’s no way… it’s just not possible. Every time I try to conceptualize it my head literally throbs as if someone justifiably struck me with a three pound ballpeen hammer. “Oh, hey, now!” one might proclaim. “These guys work hard to promote the one aspect that’s been conspicuously absent from this particular corner of the industry for too long now”. Perhaps, in the strictest and all-inclusive politically correct sense someone could get away with incorporating that assertion in their campaign speech. But as a not-so-casual observer, I feel it’s my responsibility to bluntly point out that this is “All Ladies Shaved”; “All LADIES Shaved”. That having been said, anything else that happens to clumsily migrate into my field of view is nothing more than a lowly prop.

“…Okey-Dokey, Mister, uh, White is it? Says here under employment history you once worked in the adult film industry?”
“Yes, that’s correct”.
“So… you were a director?”
“Oh, no, not exactly.”
“Ah, a cameraman.”
“Um, no.”
“Camera assistant?”
“Nah.”
“Gaffer?
“Nope.”
“Costume designer? Grip? Lighting supervisor?”
“Neh.”
“Makeup artist? PA? Editor?
“None of the above.”
“Ok, so help me out, here. I’m a little confused.”
“I was an actor.”
“Wha- an actor, you say? (burst of laughter accompanied by an exaggerated eye roll) As a male in the porn industry? You mean you were a prop.”
“Uh… yeah… I was a prop. My mom says I was a dildo, you know… with a pulse.”
“Yeah, that’s uh, eh-hmm… Ok, so I don’t want to sound condescending and I appreciate your taking an interest in applying for a position here at McDonald’s. But we are really looking for people with genuine experience who are capable of displaying a professional attitude. I noticed in your resume that instead of a headshot, you’ve included a photo of yourself shoving a fistful of marker pens into your ass. I keep hearing about a studio not far from here that shoots Christian ‘how-to’ videos. Maybe they can help you out.”

Peace, brother. (At day’s end, it is well with my soul.)

  • 0

"Christian 'how-to' videos" :D
Rich.

  • 0

What a kill joy you can see her getting right into it until after the pens she didn't look combatable at all. It can be a big turn on if a woman enjoys the situation what a waist the blokes completely fucked it up sorry to say. And she looks so delicious ,

  • 2

I like the female photographer, very hot idea, now loose the parret

  • 2

pens just do not get it a real guy would be saying what the fuck is this crap. I can think of better things than pens to stick in her pussy

  • 0

We would happy to hear and consider your suggestions. comments@s2.alsscan.com. Thanks.

  • 1

…wait, what? So you’re saying if I expect someone in your administration to pay heed to any of my suggestions or comments I have to resubmit them to yet another comment section?? Who would that be, pray tell, the midget behind the curtain posing as the Wizard of fucking Oz?!! What the hell do you think I’ve been doing for the last thirty days, trying to strike up a stimulating conversation with some troglodyte who’s only interest is seeing “nuthin’ but the dang insides of her gapin’ butthole”? Jeeze! Fuck!! What kind of jack-leg outfit is this??? Nah, I’m just kidding. You guys are doing a fine job, and I mean FINE! I’ve been a distant fan for nearly a decade now but haven’t been able to gain access to your site until my wife recently told me to go fuck myself (I told her, “I believe I can make the necessary provisions for that”). Years ago my boss forgot to log out of the computer on his desk. I went in his office after hours looking for a purchase request he was supposed to have signed and accidently jostled the mouse and what pops up on his monitor? None other than that unforgettably glorious vision of Nella with her knees in the air and Liv wearing her like a sock puppet. The image of those two provocatively seductive angels will forever be indelibly scorched onto my retinas. At any rate, keep doing what you’re doing. You won’t likely hear any complaints out of me. Oh, and I’ll copy and paste this to the aforementioned mailbox just to be safe. Say hi to Oz and pat the midget on his head for me.

Your pal,
The Wretched

  • 0

All comments, posted on site or received via email, are read and appreciated.
Email is simply an option that may permit more constructive dialogue, as one may not feel inclined to return to a previously viewed update to carry on a conversation in the comments area.
Thanks!

  • 0

…naturally I would fully expect that someone among your staff is, at the very least, mildly interested in receiving some sort of feedback. If you haven’t noticed, I tend to be a little over-emphatic at times, and my innate sense of responsibility (or rather, self-consciousness) has compelled me to give it due speculation. Most likely my tendency in this case seems to be in direct proportion to the apparent lack of enthusiasm demonstrated by the balance of your clientele. There are times when I feel I may be unfairly tipping the scales in a particular direction but then again, evidently what does it matter? I do have to say, my relative status as a neophyte notwithstanding, I find myself thoroughly baffled. Most of the outwardly right-wing conservatives in this world would regard this forum as obscene, disgusting, perverse, and reflective of all the other wickedly nefarious desires clandestinely dwelt upon by the average Christian hypocritical mind. So how can anyone sleep through this? Perhaps it’s because I’ve only recently been re-introduced into the wild and have yet to become desensitized apparently by what many find to be commonplace and so readily available. Maybe it’s the generation I come from or my particular background. Whatever the case, I just don’t see myself taking any of this for granted. I choose to partake of this venue because I’m fascinated by the human spirit and I praise those who have found that their commission in life is to bestow pleasure and gratification upon one particular fellowship without inflicting detriment upon any other. Plus I’m hoping that eventually somebody on your staff is going to slip up and reveal the exact location of that underground laboratory in either Hungary, Croatia, or the Czech Republic where some sort of a miracle discovery has occurred. Those sons-of-bitches have figured out how to cultivate the most gorgeously magnificent spinners ever to grace the internet and damn it, I’m going to figure out how to steal the secret recipe even if it kills me. I’ve visited both Romania and Bulgaria and the whole time I was there something kept telling me to travel further inland. FUCK!!

  • 0

Therapist?
You don' need no stinkin' therapist.
Keep commenting, and keep the F__k away from therapists, or your posts will get a lot more boring.
( ;

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